• You hear "Luke, I am your father... and your uncle..."
• You ever said the phrase, "May the force be with y'all."
• Your Jedi robe is camouflage.
• You have ever used your light sabre to open a bottle of Bud Light.
• At least one wing of your X-Wings is primer coloured.
• You can easily describe the taste of an Ewok.
• You have ever had a land-speeder up on blocks in your yard.
• The worst part of spending time on Dagobah is the dadgum skeeters.
• Wookiees are offended by your B.O.
• You have ever used the force to get yourself another beer so you didn't have to wait for a commercial.
• You have ever used the force in conjunction with fishing or bowling.
• You have ever had your R-2 unit use its self-defence electro-shock thingy to get the barbecue grill to light up.
• You have a confederate flag painted on the hood of your land-speeder.
• You ever fantasized about Princess Leia wearing Daisy Duke shorts.
• You have the doors of your X-wing welded shut and you have to get in through the window.
• You have a cousin who bears a strong resemblance to Chewbacca.
• You suggested that they outfit the Millennium Falcon with redwood deck.
• You were the only person drinking Jack Daniels during the cantina scene.
• Your father has ever said to you, "Shoot, son come on over to the dark side...it'll be a hoot."

There were two good ol' boys from Alabama, who love to fish...

... and they wanted to do some ice fishing. They'd heard about it up in Canada, so they took off up there. The lake was frozen nicely. They stopped just before they got to the lake at a little bait shop and got all their tackle. One of them said, "We're gonna need an ice pick." So they got that, and they took off. In about two hours, one of them was back at the shop and said, "We're gonna need another dozen ice picks."

Well, the fellow in the shop wanted to ask some questions, but he didn't. He sold him the picks, and the old boy left. In about an hour, he was back. Said, "We're gonna need all the ice picks you've got."

The bait man couldn't stand it any longer. "By the way," he asked, "how are you fellows doing?"

"Not very well at all," he said. "We ain't even got the boat in the water yet."

That night one of the hunters returned alone, staggering under the weight of an eight-point buck.

"Where's Bubba?" the others asked.

"Henry had a stroke of some kind. He's a couple of miles back up the trail," the successful hunter replied.

"You left Bubba laying out there, and carried the deer back?" they inquired.

"A tough call," nodded the hunter, "but I figured no one is going to steal Bubba!"

You know you're a redneck when...

• You take your dog for a walk and you both use the same tree.
• You can entertain yourself for more than 15 minutes with a fly swatter.
• Your boat has not left the driveway in 15 years.
• You burn your yard rather than mow it.
• The Salvation Army declines your furniture.
• You offer to give someone the shirt off your back and they don't want it.
• You have the local taxidermist on speed dial.
• You come back from the dump with more than you took.
• You keep a can of Raid on the kitchen table.
• Your wife can climb a tree faster than your cat.
• Your grandmother has "ammo" on her Christmas list.
• You keep flea and tick soap in the shower.
• You've been involved in a custody fight over a hunting dog.
• You go to the stock car races and don't need a program.
• You know how many bales of hay your car will hold.
• You have a rag for a gas cap.
• Your house doesn't have curtains, but your truck does.
• You wonder how service stations keep their rest-room's so clean.
• You can spit without opening your mouth.
• You consider your license plate personalized because your father made it.
• Your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.
• You have a complete set of salad bowls and they all say "Cool Whip" on the side.
• The biggest city you've ever been to is Wal-Mart.
• Your working TV sits on top of your non-working TV.
• You've used your ironing board as a buffet table.
• A tornado hits your neighborhood and does $100,000 worth of improvements.
• You've used a toilet brush to scratch your back.
• You missed your 5th grade graduation because you were on jury duty.

In West Virginia, you don't see too many people hang-gliding ...

Bubba decided to save up and get a hang-glider. He takes it to the highest mountain, and after struggling to the top, he gets ready to take flight. He takes off running and reaches the edge--into the wind he goes!

Meanwhile, Maw and Paw Hicks were sittin' on the porch swing talkin bout the good ol days when maw spots the biggest bird she ever seen!

"Look at the size of that bird, Paw!" she exclaims.

Paw raises up," Git my gun, Maw."

She runs into the house, brings out his pump shotgun. He takes careful aim. BANG...BANG.....BANG.....BANG! The monster size bird continues to sail silently over the tree tops.

"I think ya missed him, Paw," she says.

"Yeah," he replies, "but at least he let go of Bubba!"